see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
