She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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