i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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