I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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