We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
