My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
