we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
