we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
