Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think people are normalizing furries
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
