i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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