South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
