can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
