I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
