I think I died a long time ago.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
