Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
