Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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