Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
