Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
