saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
