I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
