i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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