Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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