That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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