Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
