Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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