He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
