Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
