I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Operation Purity has been aborted
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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