My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
