How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
