this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
