A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
