Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
