My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i came on her dog
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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