People in love make me want to vomit
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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