real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
