On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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