I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
