someone threw a dead crab at me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
