you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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