Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
