The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
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I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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