When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
