I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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