I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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