all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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