OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I just sharted jello shots
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