sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
