I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
