idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
