someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he puts the penis in happiness.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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