Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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