Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
