Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i drank out of a bidet.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
