i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
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You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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