....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
