I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
