I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
