Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
