that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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