I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize