I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
