I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
