i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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