Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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