I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
time to smoke my breakfast
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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