I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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