No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
