and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
