Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
