hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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