so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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