just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
