i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
