First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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