I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
