Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
