Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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