I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
